I’ve been a lot of things in my life…janitor, leader, coach, director, vet tech, student, teacher, missionary, wife…but perhaps the most profound of these things I’ve been is the title I now hold, Mother.

See, I had no idea the impact this role would have on me, down to my very core. The things I am now learning about myself would most likely not have come any other way than under the impetus of that small, warm, squirmy, challenging, adorable, gift I call my son.

In all the things I’ve been, I could never have imagined the lengths to which I would go in order to give that little boy everything I possibly can so he can have the amazing experience of living, perhaps in ways I’m only just now learning to. Isn’t that what we mothers, parents, do? If we are truly seeking the best for our children, they have the incredible capacity to pull us out of our selfishness like nothing else and set us on the path to become more than we ever thought we could.

As we get to know each other, here’s a bit about me…

I’m a nearly 33 year-old mother of 3 boys 3 and under. I’m married to a wonderful man who I don’t remember to value nearly often enough. I have 2 college degrees which I don’t use for much more than useless knowledge at this point, and I’m a full-time, stay-at-home mom.

Most recently I was pursuing my own business, but as a part of the whole process of becoming who I truly am, I realized I actually have pretty much no desire to be an entrepreneur and let that go. Before I had my first son I worked with horses in an equine only veterinary practice. That job I loved. I love my sons more, though, so I’m home with them and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, even on the days when I question my sanity.

There’s so many more pieces to who I am, just like there is with all of us, but if you continue to read my blog I’m sure you will get to know bit and pieces of who I am as we get to know each other. For now you should know I’m on a journey; a journey to find who I am when I strip away all the layers of what I’ve always thought I should be and really get down to the core.

I’ll share moments of clarity with you but I will also share some of my doubts…we all have doubts and moments of clarity come far too infrequently but I know this, those moments become our touchstones as we seek to know who we are.

This is my journey…I’m stepping out of many of the things I’ve always thought I should do and digging down to the bedrock of who I am. I’m in the process of finding those pieces I stand on. For the next indefinable period of time I am a wife and mother and a seeker after Jesus, all other things come secondary to that.

I never thought this was where my path would lead me. I never thought I would stay home with my child and focus solely on being a mother and a wife and seeking after Jesus. I had different plans; I think most of us do. But sometimes it’s those moments of clarity that take us in the direction we need to go so I’m following mine. I hope you’ll join me.

I could tell you so much more but I will leave the rest for the coming days, months, and years. This is the sharing of my life; the things I hope will inspire you, remind you no one is alone in all this, and, if nothing else, at the end of the day give you a place to cry the tears you need to.

Motherhood is hard.

Marriage is hard.

Growth is hard.

There’s this myth going around saying we should be doing it all on our own. That’s just not true and I want you to know I see you mama, I see how hard it is to keep caring for those little people and trying your very best to be an even better mom every day. I see you when you feel like you’ve completely failed and there’s no way you should have this chance to raise that child, those children. I’ve been there.

One of my absolute favorite quotes is this one from C.S. Lewis in “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.” When the darkness was all around and Lucy felt she could not go on, an albatross landed on the mast and brought light saying, “Courage dear heart.” I need to hear this every day. In the middle of temper tantrums, nap strikes, trying to do the same laundry for the third day in a row…I know you’re typing in that hands raised emoji right now…

Hear me on this; if there is one thing I want you to walk away from here with it is this: Courage mama, we’ve got this. You are not alone.

If what I am sharing speaks to your heart I would love to hear from you. Leave me a comment and share with a friend who needs to hear this too.